A new me

So I'm working on being better at everything I do, I know nobodys prfect but you could still try to be your best right?? This year I've learned a lot, I've lost, I've gained and I've grown as a person bit by bit we learn from our mistakes we learn what not to do and what roads we should avoid in the crazy struggle we call life. I am grateful that I have some amazing people by my side, I have an amazing guy who no matter how hard I push he pulls even harder when ever I doubt myself he's there to assure me I'm better then the person I believe I am, he's everything I never knew was missing, sometimes life throws nails at us and we got to learn how to dull the point I'm adapting to this, if there's one thing I'm positive of is that you have to be careful who you trust. The weirdest thing about that is he's had my trust from the begining this guys amazingly awesome and I love him. Without a doubt he always catches me when I'm down..

Why does it have to be so hard?

I dont know where to begin; im trying my hardest to do whats best for me and these boys why does it hurt so much? why is it so hard to get past all this? everytime i hug him i cry; it hurts so much but were not good together we havent been that "couple" for the longest time i do care about him but the love that kept me there even through the hardest struggles; its not there anymore i dont have the strength to keep trying i dont have the determination i had all those years i gave up and if i can give up that easily then was it really ment to be? i wonder about that all the time he comes over to see his kids now its been 3 weeks since all this happened and when he brings everything up it makes me feel like shit; i feel like the bad guy to our boys because their dads not here; i dont know what the future holds i cant say because you cant predict everything, i hope things stay alrite between us i hope we can stay friends and not fight for the sake of these amazing little boys but only time will tell how thats going to go; i would have stuck with it had he done one important thing i asked him to but i was never enough for him to try to better his self and now that im not with him he wants to do everything i asked him to then?? why is he fucking with my heart like this? Im with an amazing guy that makes my world rock he makes me smile all day long he makes me laugh so hard he tells me stuff that brings happy tears to my eyes he makes me feel like a queen he tells me he loves me and he accepts my kids hes there for me through everything even when i know its hard on him through this all hes been amazing and he stays up with me when we talk he tells me im beautiful and that he only wants me i fell for him because hes amazing he's the one for me im gunna stick with him hes the better person for me im gunna do everything in my power to make him as happy as he makes me to bring that smile to his face that he gives me everytime i see his face; I love you Marcus Lasalde your my guy and im not going anywere.

tears are falling

I dont know what's wrong with me I've been so down and depressed latley worse then ever each day i find it harder to hold the tears back.. It hurts so much I look at my son and I dont ever want him to feel any pain I'd do anything for this little boy I never knew I could love somebody this much I thought I knew what love was before but now I can see I was blind.. the love a mother has for her child nobody can ever take or change or alter its always going to be the same unconditional love she had from the start.. this little boy is my only reason to smile and its real, i dnt know were i would be today if it wasnt for him he's changed my life so much, im grateful.. I love you pappas :)